The Ultimate Tea Diet

[SwampWoman]

I saw Dr. Ukra (aka Dr. Tea) on Fox today promoting his book "The Ultimate Tea Diet". What a great idea! Drink 8 cups of delicious tea per day, and those pesky pounds will just burn off and leave a slimmer, trimmer you! If you want to add even more delicious, nutritious, fat-fighting tea to your diet, you can get tea rubs for your meat.

This health tip was really exciting for me. I have just come in from outside inspecting the lambs and doing a little raking of the yard, so I reached for the sweet tea pitcher and am currently working on my third 16 oz. glass. That's 48 ounces of tea, people! By tomorrow morning, my fat deposits should be packing their bags for a permanent vacation.

Oh, wait. I drink at least 48 ounces of tea every day, chilled for an even higher calorie burn. I must have tea-resistant fat deposits! Perhaps Luzianne tea isn't expensive enough to burn fat, and I need some of those custom blends that cost dollars per oz. in order to convert my fat to energy. Or something. Yeah, that must be it. I better buy the book and the expensive tea blends so that my fat can start burning off, too, just like those corpulent Hollywood people.

[no2liberals]

Uhhh....the sugar might be a bit of a problem.

[SwampWoman]

Um, well, it could have been artificially sweetened.....

[no2liberals]

It coulda been, but I remember you telling how many cups of sugar you melted into your tea when it came off the stove.
I'm the one that uses sweetener.

[Gary]

I live in Vermont where it's damn cold. I drink plenty of tea up here. So far nothing yet.

[SwampWoman]

Dang people with good memories. Or mammaries, for that matter.

[SwampWoman]

Dang, Vermont? I thought that was a mythical place where the ground is frozen, muddy, or covered with brilliantly colored leaves.

[SwampWoman]

An acquaintance of mine just came back from 5 weeks in Germany during which time she chopped wood daily for the woodstove, walked 3 miles in freezing temperatures to the store to do the grocery shopping every day, and went clubbing until the wee hours of the morning. All that exercise, and not a pound slimmer.

So, tea doesn't work and exercise doesn't work all that well, guess that leaves the methamphetamine.

[Gary]

Vermont is only cold and muddy 8 months of the year. Our other - worldly foliage season lasts about a month. Otherwise it's a few days of warm sunshine interspersed with cold and rain. Actually it's very beautiful and pleasant here

[SwampWoman]

It sounds like a veritable paradise.

/complaining about the cold 73 degree day and dieting by sucking down a glass of cold sweet tea.